I'm not scared, I just like you!

One of my friends recently told me of her son's words as he entered into her bed early in the morning after his dad left for work. As he snuggled up to her he said, "I'm not here because I'm scared, I'm here because I like you!" As a young child, I too, remember early morning journeys to my mom's bed. Unlike, my friend's young boy, I was scared, yet, like the young boy, I too liked my mom and simply wanted to be close to her.

This week Psalm 91 reminds us that God is our refuge. God reminds us that through the turbulent moments in our life, or the scary nights that God is with us. As we get older and get more afraid of life itself we seldom go to God. At a pastor's retreat this past weekend I was reminded of all the things I should be scared of as a pastor. One pastor said "the best part of ministry is the people and the worst part of ministry is the people." Other pastors shared horror stories of distrust, dysfunction, and disjointed ministries that crept into the ministries at churches they served. I was reminded that there are many things I should fear in this vocation that I have chosen and that God has chosen for me. I think many of us in this day fester fears connected to our jobs or the lack there of. We fear not being good enough, not meeting the expectation of our coworkers, not pleasing people, or not meeting the budget needed to make things run.

This morning as I prayed about all of these fears the child of my friend and Psalm 91 reminded me what I need to do with these fears, I bring them to God. Paul tells us in the second letter to Timothy, "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." In self-discipline may we bring our fears to God and trust that God will transform them into a spirit of love and power. Each day may we go to God because we like God, not because we are scared. Yet, on the days that we are scared may we run to God as well, as Jesus did in the Garden, knowing that God promises to be our refuge and our hope! Amen

Grace

I have spent most of today driving. I drove back from the west coast of Florida to the east after meeting my newest and cutest cousin, Taban Carter. Then I drove from West Palm Beach to Florida City with the newest addition to my family, Hope, a four year old gray dog. In the car I heard one headline, Tiger's apology to his family and to the world.

I listened to many commentators and heard many analyst critique his apology. Some say it was a publicity stunt and he was not really sorry. Some say it was appropriate. Some say there was no need for an apology. As I listened to all sides of the story and tried to figure out which side I was on my mind kept lingering in Lenten thoughts. Grace was the main word that kept creeping into my thoughts. God does have grace for Tiger. God does have grace for all of us.

During these forty days I pray to remember that I am not characterized by my righteousness or lack there of, but by the immeasurable amount of grace that has been given me by my God. In this season may we practice what it means to be on the side of grace. Although many of us will never encounter Tiger face to face, we do face people everyday who we believe have bent the moral compass and compromised goodness for the rest of us. Yet, in the face of all we are called to be grace and friendship, especially when the face we see is the one in the mirror!

Take My Heart

"Take my heart it is thine own; it shall be they royal throne!"

This verse is taken from the beautiful hymn, "Take My Life." In my younger years I tore out this hymn and pasted to the front of a journal. The journal has sat in a box of journals that I have started but never finished. For one of my Lenten practices I decided to venture into the memory box and find a journal to record my forty day journey with Jesus.

As I read the hymn yesterday morning at a silent service I saw in the simple words where Christ was calling me this lent. Four Ash Wednesdays ago this pasted hymn was a plead for God to use me and take my life as I entered into life at Duke Divinity School. Yet, today, more than any other time in my 26 years of living I feel like God does have a hold on my daily life. "Toma mi tiempo, es para ti" (Take my time, its for you!), are the words of a song we sing in our Spanish service. More than ever I know that when I sing this song God takes me up on my request and finds the most creative ways to take my time for God's purposes (like trying to figure out how to fit 300 mozzarella balls from the USDA for our food pantry into a fridge and freezer).

Yesterday, Ash Wednesday, the stanza that pierced my soul were the words, "Take my heart, it is thine own; it shall be thy royal throne." My heart. Who has my heart? In what subject is my heart focused each day? Is my heart the place where Christ the King comes to sit? Is my heart Christ's throne? I don't think I have come to Ash Wednesday heartless or cold, but I did come with different desires and foci that have become first in my heart and mind. My prayer for this lent is that not only in actions, words, time, sermons, and reading, but also in heart I may be united with Christ. I pray that in every lifting of a case of rice or a package of peaches that my heart my rejoice in Christ. I pray that I may bow down before Christ each morning as my dad does and give Christ my heart once again to be Christ home.

May we all be brought closer to the heart of God these forty days!

But I want to be free too!

<sup>In our young adult Bible study we have taken on the lengthy job of reading the book of Luke. This past week we read Luke 13. Before we started one of the participants said, "O.k., Pastor, I want something life changing tonight!" Struck by a bit of fear I responded with, "well, I don't know if Luke 13 has too many life changing points, mainly just warnings." Yet, as scripture usually does, it surprised me and actually did present to us a life changing message. The part which struck out to us was Jesus' healing of the crippled women and the pharisees' response.

"10</sup>On a Sabbath Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues, ¹¹and a woman was there who had been crippled by a spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not straighten up at all. ¹²When Jesus saw her, he called her forward and said to her, "Woman, you are set free from your infirmity." ¹³Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God. ¹⁴Indignant because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath, the synagogue ruler said to the people, "There are six days for work. So come and be healed on those days, not on the Sabbath." ¹⁵The Lord answered him, "You hypocrites! Doesn't each of you on the Sabbath untie his ox or donkey from the stall and lead it out to give it water? ¹⁶Then should not this woman, a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has kept bound for eighteen long years, be set free on the Sabbath day from what bound her? ¹⁷When he said this, all his opponents were humiliated, but the people were delighted with all the wonderful things he was doing." (Luke 13:10-17)

After we read the text we spoke a bit about the pride of the Pharisees and their preoccupation with their the law instead of the act of miraculous love performed in front of them. Our wonder made us ask, why the Pharisees couldn't have at least rejoiced with the once crippled woman? Were they really just focused on the law broken? Were they really so focused on their righteousness that they couldn't see a life change right in front of their very eyes?

As we continued to ponder one person in the group offered, maybe they were mad that they too couldn't be free. Maybe they were crippled in their hearts and they yearned to be free from their resentment, pride, and jealousy. Maybe their real sin wasn't righteousness but that they couldn't even ask Jesus or didn't know how to ask Jesus to heal them too! Possibly as the Pharisees sat and pondered they thought, "But I want to be free too!" Yet, their pride kept them from asking and moved them to agitating and accusing!

So often we too see great things happening in the lives of those around us. We see people being freed from their burdens. We see family members getting promotions. We see friends being relieved of their school debts by their fancy new jobs. We see new things happening in ministries. We see beautiful new babies being born. We see two lives become one new one in holy matrimony. To the many new lives and changed lives our response at times is resentment rather than joy. Today in the Pharisees we might see a bit of ourselves from a postcard past. Yet, today in scripture we also see a God who can change the crippled into the new creation. We see a woman who was given a new way of life. May our response to God's work and our friends' new life be a movement toward God and away from pride. May we proclaim to Christ, "But I want to be free too!" May we be less like the Pharisees and more like Peter as we cry out to Christ to not only wash our feet, but our "hands and head as well". Amen

Lord, make us as young children who ask without fear, and believe that they will receive. Free us today! Amen